I feel so much gratitude for being voted Best Clothing Designer in Eugene for the third year in a row and it brings up a lot for me. When we were planning this shoot, I first thought I wanted to do a super high fashion shot and really be “owning my designer-ness”, but after thinking about it for a few days, I started to feel really self conscious.
“Aren’t people tired of seeing my face in the paper?”
“There are so many other talented designers in this city that have stronger and more legitimate businesses than mine”
“I’m not even a great sewer”
“I have been making the same 4 basic styles for years”
After the self doubt set in, I decided I should do something funny for the shoot. Forget having models all together and drown myself in a pile of clothes or be tied up by measuring tape on the railroad tracks. I thought if I could laugh it off, or be entertaining, no one would be able to see through me. See that maybe I didn’t deserve this award. And that got me thinking more…how often do I do that in daily life? How many other people do that as well? Even Miss Iggy Azalea”cracks a smile when things get painful”.
So…I did what l like to do when I’m recognizing a behavior come up that isn’t in my highest potential. I called on a friend. She helped me realize that I don’t need to devalue myself or shrug away from success because of feelings of inadequacy. When I really stop to think about it, I’ve been working really hard for a LONG time on trying to grow my business. Not because of ego or drive for recognition, but because it’s really the only thing I know how to do. Failure is not an option. And in times like this, when I can acknowledge that there are other people out there who appreciate my work, I feel grateful. I feel blessed. I feel honored. I feel appreciated. I feel loved. And the more I tell myself that I am worthy of this and the more I let it in, the closer I come to being one with the Greater Plan.
There is a higher potential for humankind to strive for and I pray that everyone can experience finding an outlet for that potential. If we aren’t striving for our highest potential, we aren’t serving ourselves or our community. It’s actually not about “us”. Failure is not an option because it doesn’t exist. All missteps are learning experiences and as long as we keep going deeper and reaching higher, we are successful. And I think, just maybe, that success is love.